I am seriously on the verge of a nervous breakdown as soon as I start thinking about next thursday. Guess why folks?? Well I'll be on the brand new airbus close to outer space somewhere over mongolia on my way to the craziest town on earth.
TOKYO.
All I'm doing is DIYing my clothes, trying to figure out what to do with my hair, what to pack, where to go when there, learning japanese phrases, hustling up money to spend on fake eyelashes and ramen, trying to find out information on what the fuck I am going to be doing there and where the fuck we are going to live. Can you notice how nervous I am? I NEVER get this freaked out by going anywhere but on the other hand I have never been to asia, let alone japan, and that place is just too incredibly foreign to me. I am probably going to mess up and disgrace several japanese girls and boys by doing and saying something terribly out of their ethics and morals. Like the thing with the gifts. Or how to talk to an older, or the shoe thing or the sex thing. Oh, these people are like aliens to me. And what about being two feet taller. Fuck. I am so excited.
Now this thing with being tired after work that I totally had forgotten about. What an exhaust to fold jeans. I was a reck when I came home yesterday after my 10 hour shift. Not because it was particularly tiring but because I am simply not used to labour. Hello, last time I had a regular job was 1,5 years ago. And no, my 1-2 times a week at the nightclub in copenhagen does not count as a regular job. And Yeah yeah, sitting at the cashier is probably the easiest job on earth (Even if it can be extremely scary at times), so that doesn't count either. Worst thing is, I am used to getting my money straight away, bam bam, but now I have to wait until the 25TH OF NOVEMBER. Can you imagine how broke and in debt to gerhard I am going to be till then????!! I already owe him 800+1700+1700. That's a shitload. How am I going to survive in Tokyo??!!
And mom is coming over today. She's leaving (mom, don't worry, dad doesn't read this) in a week and it's going to be a really long time until I see her again. I thought I'd be happier for her visiting me but I kind of feel sick to the stomach. All of the past issues, all of our memories and obstacles we have overcome during the years, and believe me we were NOT on a good page for years, are showering over me like a waterfall. I can't believe she's leaving again, I can't believe she's doing it. And yes I know my mother, for her there is NO OTHER WAY, but even if there was she'd be too proud, too stubborn, too headstrong and too sure of herself to even consider lowering her standards and morals. I love her to bits and pieces for that but I also hate her for going away and leaving us again. And no, it's not like she's leaving for a country close by so you could actually visit or call without being broke for a year. No no, she is going to the other side of the world.
I need coffee and a cigarette. Coffee for being tired and a cigarette to feel my lungs again after feeling like the air has been sucked out of them.
254 kr left on my phone, black mountains new album on the loudest and blue lipstick on my lips. What day is it today? thursday? I want to wear heels but I have no appointments. Anyone up for a glass of wine? I'm going to tokyo in a month but how the heck am I supposed to afford even a day over there? I wish I had a job to waste my days with, it's getting pretty useless living the way I do, sewing while waiting for the next RSS update. Tomorrow I have an interview and hopefully that'll mean that I will have a reason to wake up in the morning soon. 
Dio and I have officially moved in and it feels weird. I don't have somewhere to run and hide whenever I feel like eating chips and dip while spilling the dip on top of my chest while lying down watching top model in my solitude. I don't have somewhere to run when I need to almost surgically make my feet less disgusting (Sweden is a country of stupid assholes that hardly makes female shoes in sizes bigger than a 10/41 even though the people living there are one of the world's tallest which leaves me to wearing shoes that are too small and feet looking like ugly ass crashed cars). I can't wait until my face is less red after spending 30 minutes squeezing black heads in front of the bathroom mirror.
I can't run anymore. I am forced to show all the different unflattering sides of me and it's not because of shame or feeling like I'd lose my mojo. F.Y.I. I'm a sex kitten even with the hairiest legs on earth.
It's the loss of privacy i will be mourning soon. The loss of taking a dump for hours with a good book without feeling bad for the person having to go right after you, or fart whenever the fuck you feel like farting, or feeling like you reek and not taking a shower even though I'm pretty fucking glad I need to get my shit together for someone. Shit was getting pretty nasty...
Don't get me wrong or anything, I am insanely happy about the move, my baby and our future together.
But heck, I guess I'm just saying goodbye to my disgustingly lazy slob self.
As usual, I'm in front of the world wide web instead of doing what I should. This time the to do list consists of packing my stuff into boxes and bags, washing my clothes because of a misfortune DIO made in my closet (the immense asshole that he is) and organizing my papers.
Also, my period is late, I am broke and I had a fight with P the other day. Not a good week, folks. Simply not a good week.
Btw, does anyone else out there have a thing for the incredibly boring crackers SKY FLAKES or have I been broke too long to have lost all of my food senses?
BUT THE GOOD NEWS ARE:
P has invited me to go to TOKYO in October!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Note to self: MUST HUSTLE EXTREME AMOUNTS OF MONEY.
This just in,
I'm moving into Gerhard's place ( planning on calling him P from now on.. Gerhard is getting kind of old isn't it folks?!) a month from now.. This is getting pretty ridiculous to continue living separately when I'm basically there all the fucking time.
Now I only have to get all the paperwork fucking ready. Yeay.
Me, summer 2009
Spent my morning at the carlsberg brewery wearing a VHS as a dress and getting my make up done like a washed up 80s hooker doing the walk of shame. That was fun, then I went home, tried paying my bills and then I had dinner with dad, sis and Gerhard eating way too much indian food. I might have to take a dump at the show I'm walking for tomorrow since I have to be there at 8 am and I never shit before 10. Just how my body works. Can't really model with filled intestines can you?
Anyway, Fashion week started and I have 5 shows to model for. Including something called the worlds greatest catwalk which is going to be ON Ströget. Weird shit.
Oh well. I'm off to my second home.
xoxo
Just wanted to say thanks for linking to my little time-wasting site smokeandacoke.com. You have it listed under "time consuming things", but based on your blog and photos, I'd say you have little time left over for wasting after all the fun you're having. I'm jealous of your adventures. Thanks again -markus
Thanks Markus and a big fat dito on the jealous part. I want to be one of your adventure friends and ride the adventure 1 with bull horns..
The phone has been ringing all day yet I haven't answered a single call.
I was supposed to clean an apartment, go to lund to hang out with Mike and sell clothes on ebay but, as usual, whenever I feel cornered, I hide out.
Instead I've been waxing my legs and giving myself a manicure. Oh the priorities. But I need time off for myself from time to time. You know, when you are up and running, doing a million things, seeing a trillion people and spending shit loads of money you don't have, there comes a time when you just want to be by yourself.
This is the time and I need to think things through. I have been living on the edge, never knowing how to pay my rent, always running out of money and never being able to relax. I am so sick and tired of always doing everything and nothing. Never having a goal, just roaming around aimlessly, like a nomad. It's not like I don't love how I lead my life, otherwise I wouldn't still be doing so, but the constant hustling is like a zit near the anus, in other words, enervating.
Anyway. Enough whining. I promise to call you all later tonight.
LOVE,
Bella
DOWN AND OUT GYPSY BAG LADY MOVING FROM ONE END TO ANOTHER.
ALSO INTO: WIGS, DR PEPPER AND SKINNYDIPPING.
