29/09/10

 Now this thing with being tired after work that I totally had forgotten about. What an exhaust to fold jeans. I was a reck when I came home yesterday after my 10 hour shift. Not because it was particularly tiring but because I am simply not used to labour. Hello, last time I had a regular job was 1,5 years ago. And no, my 1-2 times a week at the nightclub in copenhagen does not count as a regular job. And Yeah yeah, sitting at the cashier is probably the easiest job on earth (Even if it can be extremely scary at times), so that doesn't count either. Worst thing is, I am used to getting my money straight away, bam bam, but now I have to wait until the 25TH OF NOVEMBER. Can you imagine how broke and in debt to gerhard I am going to be till then????!! I already owe him 800+1700+1700. That's a shitload. How am I going to survive in Tokyo??!!

And mom is coming over today. She's leaving (mom, don't worry, dad doesn't read this) in a week and it's going to be a really long time until I see her again. I thought I'd be happier for her visiting me but I kind of feel sick to the stomach. All of the past issues, all of our memories and obstacles we have overcome during the years, and believe me we were NOT on a good page for years, are showering over me like a waterfall. I can't believe she's leaving again, I can't believe she's doing it. And yes I know my mother, for her there is NO OTHER WAY, but even if there was she'd be too proud, too stubborn, too headstrong and too sure of herself to even consider lowering her standards and morals. I love her to bits and pieces for that but I also hate her for going away and leaving us again. And no, it's not like she's leaving for a country close by so you could actually visit or call without being broke for a year. No no, she is going to the other side of the world. 

I need coffee and a cigarette. Coffee for being tired and a cigarette to feel my lungs again after feeling like the air has been sucked out of them.